the mommy scale

 
I was in a long line at Aldi's. If you've ever been there before you know the line will move quickly. Even so, it was still a bit stressful because I had my 2 kids with me and a week's worth of groceries in my cart. At this point, Grace was walking next to me because the cart was full, which means she is no longer caged and contained. While I was waiting my turn, another lane opened. I began the mad rush of turning the cart quickly to wiggle my way into the adjacent lane. A very old, hunched over man with a cane, walked in front of me and took my spot. It wasn't fair. He hadn’t been waiting in line like I had. His timing just happened to be perfect. But I wasn't upset. He was an old man. I almost felt good to let the old guy go first. He only had one bag (at Aldi's you need to bring your own bags-you're right, it's not where shopping is a pleasure). He even had trouble lifting the heavy bag full of food onto the conveyer belt. By this point I'm glad the great grandpa cut in front of me; I was feeling pretty good about myself. By the time I had checked out and was walking out of the store, he had just walked up to the handicapped spot. I told you he moved very slowly. He walked up to a convertible Ferrari. What?!!! I thought this guy must be losing his mind. He must have forgotten which car was his. I expected he would be looking for an old Cadillac with his little silver haired wife waiting to drive him home. But no, he actually had the keys for this Ferrari. How would he drive being so hunched over? How can someone who can barely walk, drive this beautiful Ferrari? And then I thought why is someone who owns a Ferrari shopping at Aldi's? Sure enough he got into that beauty and drove off like it was just another normal shopping experience. I felt a little duped. This guy wasn't oblivious to cutting me off in line and stealing my rightly due spot. It's very possible he used his hunchback and crawl of a walk to get what he wanted. It gave me a good laugh.

I love nothing more than an honest person, even more so, an honest mom. There are times that I see a mom who seems to have all her ducks in a row. Everyone is listening, she looks pretty in her skinny jeans, her house is clean, and so on. But I'm not duped like I was by the old man. As a mom myself, I put pressure on myself to be this perfect mom that I have somehow imagined in my head. Not only do I want to still look like a woman (hair brushed and maybe something cute to wear) but I want to have the perfect relationship with my kids where they respect me but also enjoy and trust me. Give me the "How to be a Perfect Mom" pamphlet and I'll follow it. And probably even more so, I want others around me to think I'm doing a pretty good job.

It is always refreshing to me when I see a mom having a difficult time. Not in some morbid way. For her sake, I hope she's ok. But for my sake, it reminds me that no one is perfect. That being a mom is really hard. I love when someone is honest and tells me what kind of struggle they are having with their kids or how they are failing or how they want to grow in a certain area. It's like it removes this unsaid unattainable bar that I have made for myself and often assume others have attained. Once some truth is said, it puts us on the same playing field.

Sometimes I wonder how or when I made this imaginary mommy scale in my head. Some of it comes from my pre-mommyhood years. Pre-mommy years, it was easy to judge or make opinions about what I will do or not do when I'm a mom. Then I had a baby and reality hit. I think that I'm a good mom if I do x,y, and z. It's also easy for me to compare my kids behavior with other kids...which is a TERRIBLE idea. But I think more than anything, it just comes from me watching other moms and making assessments about them. There is a mom at Nathan's school that is a skinny minny and always dresses so cute, hair and makeup done, plus she is genuinely so nice. It's easy and natural for me to unconsciously think she's got it all together. I compare myself to this perfect mom and then feel discouraged as I look down at my dirty baggy jeans, pony tailed hair, flip flops on my feet and then hear fighting in the back seat.

But I believe the truth is that even that perfect mommy struggles. No one likes poopy hands, being woken up at night, being told no by a 2 year old in front of their friends, and feeling like they failed again. You never get to punch out at work at the end of the day and even when you do get a mini-vaca from them you are still thinking about them. So why is my goal to be this perfect mom? What if my goal was to do the best job I can, knowing I'm going to fail at times (probably A LOT of times) and to be ok with that. If my new bar that I set in my head was to say I'm sorry to my children when I do mess up, to tell other moms when I am struggling, and I don't have to be perfect, would I survive? I think it would be mommy freedom. I don't want to be like the old man who jumped into his Ferrari. This is me...a mom who dearly loves her kids, who is always questioning what I'm doing, who is not perfect. Rather than despising that, I want to relish that. What am I teaching my kids if I have a high bar that I have to attain?  That there is a high bar for them to attain.  Instead, I want to lead by example of being honest in where I'm at...an imperfect mom who loves her kids.

Distance is ok

One of the things I look forward to each morning is dropping Nathan off at school. He is eager to see his friends and get the day started. This morning, we were in the van on the way to his school, which is only 3 blocks away, and he begins telling me he doesn't want to go. (It was one of those mornings where all three of them woke up on the wrong side of the bed) I felt him out for a minute by asking him a few questions to see if this was legit or not. Once I determined he was fine, I pulled in next to the school and got into the car line. The sliding door opened so that he could jump out. The 5th grade safety guard was there greeting us with a smile. But Nathan just stood there and reiterated that he didn’t want to go. If you are familiar with a carpool drop off lane, you don't want to be having a long pow wow while the cars are piling up behind you. My heart started to speed up and I decided to give him a hug and kiss and gently nudge him towards the door. He stood there until he saw one of his friends from class walk past him and then he eagerly jumped out of the van and started talking, smiling, and yelling bye with a big grin. He didn't look back. (Thank goodness that friend arrived right when we did!)

We are half way through the school year, but even now, one of the most difficult things for me each morning as a mother is to say bye to my five year old and watch him walk down that long hallway with all of the big kids surrounding him. He’s oblivious that I think of him throughout the day wondering what he is doing, experiencing, and how he's feeling. He just knows I drop him off each morning and am there faithfully waiting for him each afternoon at 2:50pm. When he is gone I miss him (not the whole time, I must say being able to focus on the other 2 kids is nice) and it creates anticipation for my 'pick up Nathan' reminder on my phone at 2:45. Having some distance for Nathan and going to school is a good thing. It is part of growing up.

Dropping Nathan off at school isn't the only time I practice having distance from something.  I also have a lot of practice finding distance from that third helping of snickers or when it's past my bedtime but I just have to see one more episode of Downton Abbey.  Finding some distance from the kitchen and tv room is a good thing for me.  However, I've never had to experience what it is like to have distance from other good things, such as relationships or circumstances.  If I have too much sugar, I know the effect. In these new situations, I'm still learning what the effect it. What about relationships or circumstances that you thought you'd never have to gently nudge (or push) out of the van?   I don't know that you can prepare your heart for those times. They make your heart ache for many different reasons. And at the same time you know that it can be good to have distance or that it may be necessary for a season.  

Each afternoon after quiet time, Grace and Stephen run their little feet to the garage, climb in their seats, and giggle most of the three block car ride. When we get to the school, Nathan runs to the van with excitement and is eager to be with us. One thing that allows me to drop off Nathan in the morning is knowing I will pick him up 6 1/2 hours later. It is hard nudging someone out the door, not knowing if you’ll ever get to pick them up later. It makes me so grateful that God never wants or needs distance from me. I will never get nudged out of the van by Him. For now, I will wait in the carpool lane for those 'other circumstances and relationships' hoping the time comes when distance is no longer the better path. I anticipate the time when I get to pick them up and be reunited with them. Hopefully tomorrow morning, Nathan will remember that jumping out of the van is the best choice for him and that I will be there later in the afternoon, eager to pick him up.

leave nothing to the imagination

Each morning is very similar to the one the day before, yet each one is unique. I am in a different mood every morning (I'll blame it on being a woman) and my kids are also in different moods. Sometimes they love oatmeal and other mornings they won't go near it.  This morning I woke up with a decent amount of energy and the first voice I heard was my 5 year old standing outside my bedroom door telling me he was itchy all over.  Ok, either he really was itchy or he was ready for me to get out of bed. I know him, and I knew by that one comment what kind of mood he was in.  He wanted the day to start.  He knew that if he knocked on my door he would get into trouble. Of course, the alternative was to say that he was itchy!  As soon as I met him downstairs, he no longer complained about his skin but instead he was bopping around ready to negotiate his breakfast choices.

This morning I didn't feel like going to the gym, it sounded like too much work, so I thought I could walk Nathan to school and then go for a neighborhood walk afterwards. After dropping my itchy kid off at school, I began my stroll around college park. Grace and Stephen made sure they said hello to each person we passed and yelled "have a good day!"  It's a bit ironic to see them screaming these kind words. After several minutes, Grace insisted that she needed some exercise and persuaded me to get out of the stroller. I've never seen this girl run so fast without stopping. I wondered what had happened to my girl.  My little Jackie Joyner only lasted for a few minutes before she transformed back into my Grace again as she stopped at every flower, leaf, and acorn she saw.  I never knew how slow you could walk until you took a child with you who insisted on walking themselves.  We talked about each item she found and after tugging on the stroller to bring it to a complete stop, she gently placed her stolen items in the basket underneath the stroller.

As we get closer to home, I let Stephen out. He wanted to run like his big sister. I couldn't stop staring at his cheeks that jiggled as he ran. He runs like he's at the tail end of a race.  He leans forward, with his head out in front of the rest of his body, leaving his arms out wagging behind him.  I find myself smiling every time I see him run.

This is what I love about staying home with them. I don't miss anything! (It wouldn't be a full picture if I didn't say this is the challenge of being a mom too..sometimes I want to miss some things).  I don't have to leave anything to my imagination. I'm not wondering if oatmeal was the hit of the day or if Nathan's itchiness persisted.  I get to take a very slow walk with a 3 year old who is so fascinated with nature.  I get entertained by jiggling little cheeks. I enjoy being apart of the details of their day. 

Week 2- Our bodies

You will need:

Flashcards
Side walk chalk
Syringe
Red food coloring
Scissors
Glue
Paint
Cotton balls

Day 1: Muscles

·         Muscles allow you to move. Move your muscles game. Write down on flashcards 6 muscles (abdominals, hamstrings, calves, biceps, triceps, deltoids). Model and practice first, then play.  Put cards face down and then take turns choosing one and then pointing to that muscle group.

·         Trace your body with side walk chalk and label 6 muscles.

·         Write down a list of things you have already done that day. What muscles did you use to accomplish that? You brushed your teeth- you used your biceps and triceps. Talk about what muscles you are using throughout the day.

Day 2: Skeleton system

·         Bones are hard white tissue that make up our skeleton system

·         Cut and paste bones   http://www.brendasfriends.com/mr.bones.cut.and.paste.html

·         Math problems with number of bones. Ex: how many bones are in both legs together?

o   4 bones in each leg -femur, tibia, fibula, and patella

o   3 bones in your arm -humerus (upper arm) radius and ulna (forearm)

o   27 in your hand

Day 3: Brain

·         Your brain is the boss of your body. Color a picture of a brain (I just copied one from google images)

·         Exercise your brain. Play a game like memory or tic tac toe.

·         Use your brain to remember what muscles and bones are. Review last 2 lessons.

Day 4: Heart

·         Your heart is a muscle that pumps blood throughout your body. Point to your heart.

·         Print off picture of heart and color (again I got mine from google images)

·         Use nose syringe and fill up with red colored water. Squeeze the syringe (heart), watch how the water/blood moves out. 

·         Make a rhythmic noise with your hands tapping your leg to imitate your heart beating. Explain that we will stop making the beating noise, but your heart does not stop.

·         Exercise your heart. Run fast, feel your heart beating in your chest. Sit down and rest, can you feel your heart beating.

Day 5: Doctors

·         Make a list of what doctors do to help keep us healthy.

·         Play doctor. Set up a table and chairs. Put on a lab coat (apron) and check each other’s ears, nose, mouth, etc. 

·         Use cotton balls to paint a picture of a body. What do doctors and nurses use cotton balls for?  How is painting with a cotton ball different then using a brush or our fingers?

What are we going to do this summer?!

I can't believe that Nathan's last day of VPK is tomorrow! Awww!! How am I going to keep him learning, out of trouble, and having fun?  I've decided to bring out the teacher in me and come up with a summer curriculum....really, it is just a few simple activities.  I had to keep it simple because I'll be taking care of 2 other kids, cleaning house, making meals, and all the other stuff.  I told Nathan that each week we will have a theme. He came up with many, if not most, of the weekly themes. I hope to include some language arts, math, and a bit of imagination in each weeks' activities. Here ya go if you want to do it along with us. This is really tailored for Nathan so have fun if you want to make it your own.  Ask questions or add suggestions as well!  Good luck moms...I hope you not only survive the summer but enjoy it!
                                                                 SuperHero Week

What you will need this week:
Printer
Flashcards
Glue or tape
Envelope, stamp, letter paper
Yarn
Whole puncher
Paper plate

Day 1

      ·         Print off superheroes and color (I printed off some of Nathan’s favorite superheros)

      ·         Make a super hero mask

o   http://www.firstpalette.com/tool_box/printables/superhero.html

·         Describe characteristics of a hero (help others, fight for good, honest, courageous, strong and fit, responsible). Explain adjectives. Write adjectives on flashcards and have child draw a superhero showing one of these characteristics.

Day 2

·         Review adjectives flashcards and pictures

·         Come up with some real life super heroes we know. What makes them a superhero? Choose one of those people and write a letter thanking for being a hero.  (teach them how to address the envelope)

·         Make a spider web. Will need yarn, whole puncher, and paper plate. Let child punch whole and yarn it threw.

Day 3

·         Review adjective flashcards and pictures. Act each one out in a silly way. You could act it out while being very serious, while laughing, in an accent, while jumping.

·         Super heroes are in shape and eat healthy. Count how many fruits and vegetables you eat today. Make your own food pyramid and keep track of what category you are eating. Add them up.

o   http://www.coloringcastle.com/food_pyramid_coloring_pages.html

·         Do 20 minutes of physical activity. Go for a walk, swim, chores around the house. Set the timer!

Day 4

·         Review adjective flashcards and pictures.  Look at pictures first and try to remember the adjective without turning it over.

·         Write a short story about a superhero. Illustrate it.  If you get stuck you can use your adjective cards.  

Day 5

·         Do a super hero act. Think of something you can do for someone else. Super heroes are always thinking of others. Put laundry away, help someone put their groceries in the car, take trash to the curb for a neighbor, etc. You can even dress up like your favorite superhero while doing this.

·         Have your child think about both ways they are gifted and areas they are weak, in regards to being a super hero. Do they share well with their siblings? Are they quick to help someone in need?

Nathan chose to write his letter to his daddy!

molded in my heart

Do you ever have moments where you feel like your kids are growing up so fast and you wonder if you've missed precious moments in the past and want to make sure you take in every moment that is to come? Sometimes I look at my kids and have no idea how they got to be as big as they are. When did they start walking, coming up with their own thoughts, and saying the cutest things? I had to stop reading a Mother's day card at Nathan's school today because I started to tear up. This is what happens to me when I read something that touches me. My heart aches, in a good way, and then I start to cry which makes me stop reading the card in order to stop the tears from coming. Usually this happens when Mike gives me a card, he is so good with his words. But today it was a little poem Nathan's teacher had posted in his Mother's day card. I read the first few lines and then had to put it down. Nathan looked at me with understanding, familiar that I cry sometimes when my heart if full and happy.

I miss you when we're not together
I'm growing up so fast
See how big I've gotten

Since you saw me last?
As I grow, I'll change a lot,
The years will fly right by.
You'll wonder how I grew so quick
When and where and why?
So look upon this hand print (they made a little molding of is handprint)
That's hanging on your wall.
And memories will come back of me,
When I was very small.

I want them to stay small forever! (not completely, but you know what I mean, right?) I want to remember the moments forever. I was looking at Stephen, my 1 year old, last night and trying to remember what Nathan was like at that age. It was hard for me to remember the details. Stephen says the word 'this' all the time, waves his arms around announcing he's all done, and is beginning to run (which is so entertaining to watch his stiff legs try to move quickly). In a few months, it will be different little moments that I treasure with him.


Grace hasn't been feeling 100% lately and is having a hard time falling asleep at night. I found myself asking her if she wanted a magic sleeping pill. She eagerly replied yes with a bit of hesitation not knowing what this meant. I asked her what color she wanted and then pulled out a pink pill from my pocket and asked her to stick her tongue out. She looked at my hand puzzled, not seeing a pill. I reassured her with a smile that this will help her to relax and go to sleep. She swallowed the pill and took a big gulp of imaginary juice as well. "It's in your tummy now and will help you rest." She was excited and snuggled further down into her blankets. I paused and realized this scenario seemed familiar. I realized my dad used to this with me. I had totally forgotten about the magic sleeping pill until this moment where I thought I was being creative and original with my daughter- funny how you can end up being like your parents even in the small things. Swallowing my sleeping pill from my daddy didn't seem that long ago. I remember it vividly. His strong presence at the end of my bed. His assurance that this would help. And the peace it brought me as he gently gave it to me. When did I grow up? This happens so fast. One day, Grace might be asking her daughter what color pill she wants and then gently tucking her sweet baby in to wish her a good night.

I love my kids so dearly. I say this often when I write and talk, but my heart does ache. It aches because I desperately want them to know how much I enjoy them, how I love hearing them talk, I love seeing them filled with joy, and I love spending my time with them. They are the dearest little pill swallowers I know. Like in the poem that Nathan's card said, I hope the memories will come back of when they were very small. Maybe I need to take a magical memory pill!  And just like his gift to me, I want these memories molded into my heart.

MOBs

Free entertainment....watching a 4 year old boy enjoy the screams of the girls he chases, pushing other boys to the ground, climbing to the highest part of the jungle gym only to jump off like he's spider man, and then is called over by his mother to have a talk. The mom stepped away from her 3 care free friends and looked down at her son. "I mean it. I've told you to stop. Now you need to stop. I'm really getting annoyed with you. Calm down." The boy could barely hold still while she said this. His limbs were litteraly flailing around like they were swatting at flies. She walked away (acutally he ran away first) and it took no longer than 10 seconds for him to go right back to what he was doing. I could look at this situation at the park and laugh (partly because my boy was at school; this was someone else's kid).

I can relate to this mom. I may not say those words to my 4 year old, but I have thought it. I think I'm like other MOBs (moms of boys). We wonder why they act the way they do. Is my boy normal? Am I doing something wrong? Shoud I be doing more, or less?  Boys love moving (all the time!), turning sticks into guns, and knocking down lamps in the middle of their super power jump. If you are a MOB you know what I'm talking about.

How do I celebrate his boyhood rather than being annoyed by it? How do I learn and value how he is wired rather than trying to tame him? The more I understand him and enjoy his boyness, the more I have affection for him and can laugh when he tries to do a wallflip and then plays dead. I like to study him. I'm learning what makes him giggle, his most desired dessert, closest friend, what provokes him, how he eats his food. Boys are special. I've always said that my boy is a boy's boy. No roses, only guns. He does love his capes, swords, and snakes, but he also loves his mommy. He can be tender towards his dramatic sister. He compliments his classmates. He shows compassion when his little brother falls. I tend to put his tenderness into the good boy category and his crazy energy and the things that go along with that, into a bad (or how do I calm him down) category. I am realizing they are both good. His tender hugs and his full blown attack of an innocent bug are both good. That is what makes him a boy, that is what makes him Nathan. I (want to) appreciate the noise, the dirt, the imagination. I love being a MOBs!

a spoonful of sugar

It begins when you are pregnant. You get advice from other moms whether you ask for it or not. I found most of it to be very helpful and out of a sense of care. There are so many decisions to make. Usually moms are eager to share their thoughts on hot topics such as, homeschooling vs public school, baby led vs parent led feeding, scheduling, vaccinations, and the list can go on. Everyone seems to passionate about their view and I too became one of these mommies.

After having my first son, I sought out advice from others I respected because being responsible for a baby was a bit scary; I wanted to do what was best for all of us. Now with three, I still need input from others (it takes a community to raise children, right?) but more than that, I am in desperate need of encouragement. I'm not talking about encouraging my 'performance' as a mom. I am talking about being spurred on to continue dedicating my life to my kids. To be reminded by other moms that it is hard but so worth it. That being a mommy is worth putting my love of teaching, tv shows, desired shopping expenses and vacations, time and sleep on hold because of my children.

After being a mommy for a few years, I realize I need to be encouraged more and more. I so badly want to do this for other moms. I don't want to brush over what the tired mom is saying so that I can suggest my solutions. I don't want to judge the mom who is unsure of how to address their screaming 2 year old daughter. I don't want to be quick to speak and give advice to the mom who is overwhelmed. Instead, I want to be quick to hug and cry with the mom who has a strong willed child. I want to ask questions to the mom who is discouraged. I want to support the mom who had an unexpected pregnancy or is struggling to get pregnant. Rather than promoting my own opinions or observations, I want to look for ways to encourage other moms.

Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Encouragement helps the advice go down, in the most delightful way. Rudolf Dreikurs said, "A child needs encouragement as much as a flower needs water." I agree. And I would add that his mother does as well.

saving the daylight

Daylight savings time is much easier for our household in the spring than in the fall. Pre-motherhood I hated this time of year; I lost an hour of sleep. But this year, I can't wait for my kids to wake up at 7:30am, according to the clock, instead of 6:30am. Yes, these few days of transition are a bit painful because I am still losing that hour of sleep, but it will be well worth it for the next six months!

Isn't that how motherhood is? Pregnancy is incredible in a lot of ways, but also very challenging. You know the charley horses, heartburn, backaches, body aches, and of course labor itself. It is painful, but totally worth it. Then once you have that precious little baby, it is the same story again. As a mother, I have cried, been exhausted, embarrassed, discouraged, lost, and at times hopeless. But still, I love being a mother and I love my children so much it hurts sometimes.

So, as I realized it was daylight savings this Sunday, I immediately thought about how that would affect me. When I was pregnant, I mostly thought about me and the baby inside me. As a mother, I think about what kind of mother I am and what others are thinking about my motherhood skills (or lack of skills). Are you seeing the trend here? It's about ME. I was reading a fantastic book and one of the things it mentioned was to teach your kids that life is not about them. It does not revolve around them. Life is bigger than them. And life is bigger than me. I also think it is bigger than me being a mother.

One day my kids will leave the house, and though I will always be their mother, I will not always be their number one gal. Being a mother is my career now and my great love. But it does not define all that I am or will be. I want to be a good friend who listens carefully and spends enough time with my friends to know how to encourage them. I want to know my neighbors by name and know how my family can serve them. I want to open my home to those who could use a home cooked meal and not worry that the house is not perfectly picked up. I want to learn how to be a better friend to my husband. …and on it goes…

In another 20 or 30 years, Lord willing, I will still be alive and will most likely be dreading the spring daylight savings because I will not have these little balls of energy bouncing in their rooms first thing in the morning. I hope I can look at the years past and reflect on how I have spent my time, who I have invested in, and that I have understood more and more that the world is not about Sarah. I want to have utilized each day for something bigger than me.

questions

A young 3 year old girl was running away from a 4 year old boy. She was running for dear life with a few head turns behind her to gauge where he was at. He had his arms up in the air and running full speed ahead to catch his prey. I wondered what he was going to do once he caught up with her. I also looked around the park to see if their parents were watching this and at all concerned about what could potentially happen next. He was older and bigger so he caught up to her and pushed her. She yelled (screamed really) and then proceeded to get away from him again. He thought it was funny and continued with this game. I think she finally realized she had to retaliate in order to get this boy to stop. No one else was going to help her. This little Laura Croft decided to use her book as a weapon and whacked him with all her might. Suddenly, this confident bully became a 4 year old boy again and began to cry and run to his mommy. He began to tattle on the girl as if she was completely unprovoked. The girl's mom quickly began to reprimand her. I could overhear her (ok, I was trying to listen) scold her daughter for being rough with the boy. Thankfully, Grace meandered right next to them (probably looking for food), so I had an excuse to go over to their blanket. I quietly told the mother what I had seen so that she knew more of the story and why her daughter was trying to defend herself. She thanked me several times and was pleased to hear her daughter was not being malicious.

What if I hadn't talked with the mother? Would she have punished her child because she was misinformed, angry, or embarrassed? Why didn't she ask her daughter what happened? Why didn't she ask any questions at all? I do this too. Sometimes it's with my kids but it's more common with Mike or other adults. I make assumptions, judgments, and evaluations and don't ask questions. I ask my youngens questions all day long. There are the common questions like: how was your day at school, why haven't you done your chore yet, did you hear me, how did poop get there? There are also more meaningful questions: did mommy sound angry with you, how can we pray for your friends today, or why are you sad?

Questions are so powerful because they can be so helpful. They cause me to slow down and think. They help me to gather information, which usually produces compassion. They can give me perspective. They can help me to think outside of myself. So why do I at times skip over the question asking and quickly give my opinion, disapproval, or praise?

I want to model this daily for my children. One of my favorite questions to ask my kids is how much I love them. I start by putting my thumb and index finger as close together as I can and ask, "This much?" They giggle and answer no! They put their arms as wide as they can and yell, "You love me this much." That's right. I love them that much. I want to love them enough to take the time to ask them questions and to be ready to hear their long or short answers.

payday

Getting my kids to bed can be one of the craziest times of the day, probably because we are all tired. Last night after baths and PJ's, I noticed a diaper that was just the slightest bit wet on the floor in the bathroom(yes, it is not out of the ordinary to find diapers laying around). I had given Nathan this diaper the night before when he was already in bed and we had company over. He said he had to go to the bathroom so bad he couldn't hold it. I've heard this before. It's very similar to- I need a drink or I forgot to brush my teeth. He had just gone potty about 10 minutes before so I knew he could hold any pee that he had somehow magically produced, he just couldn't hold his excitement of company being over. So I said if he had to go so badly he could go in the diaper I handed him. It was dry in the morning. I guess his magical pee magically disappeared. So why was it wet the following evening? "Mom, I peed in the diaper during quiet time today so I didn't wake you up. I knew you were taking a nap." I saw tenderness in my baby's eyes and thoughtfulness in his words. I went over to him with a few tears in my eyes, cupped his face and thanked him for how he had loved me. He beamed.

Once the two kids were asleep I brought Stephen down to play with us (we do this almost every night). He is such a relaxed kid that he is 14 months tomorrow and is still not walking. Well...last night he took his first few steps. There is nothing like seeing this tiny person lift his foot while the rest of his body looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He knows I'm rooting for him. I'm clapping and yelping. His foot lands just in time for his hands to reach his daddy's arms when he lets his whole body fall into him. He squeals with excitement.

While tying my daughter's shoes this morning I could tell she was thinking and focusing on what I was doing. I ask her if she is ok. It isn't quite normal for her to be so quiet and still. She smiles a "Whitney" grin (a grin from ear to ear) and says, "I love you mom."

This afternoon, I tried taking Edgewater to pick up Nathan from school. I have been taking the back roads for the last few weeks because Edgewater is being repaved but today I decided to take my old route. I get stuck in a long line so decide to make a right turn into the neighborhood to only get stuck behind a slow moving truck just to find my road doesn't cut through. I must have made some sort of noise because Grace asked what was wrong. I told her I was frustrated with my decision. "It's ok mommy," she gently said with a smile to encourage me.

I don't get a paycheck for what I do. I don't get a job well done by my superior. I don't get acknowledgment from my coworkers. I don't get a pay raise. Usually I'm thanked by stickers, smiles, thank yous, and maybe a hug- with some needed prompting. When they happen on their own, it is a special moment. I got a raise today. I was tenderly cared for by my son, encouraged by my 2 year old, and saw a milestone accomplished by my little baby. I would call that a good day at work...I got payed today.

my hands are full

The clock says 10:26pm. Why am I awake when I could be sleeping? I dream about my cozy bed and being curled up asleep (or at least resting) all day long. As much as I may sound like a kid with a dollar in his hand in a candy store... because I can! The house is quiet, everyone is asleep (yes, even Michael) and I have the house completely to myself. I have freedom. It's almost like I'm on a mini unexpected vacation. I can watch the TV without any interruptions, read in silence, sit as long as I want, eat, or check facebook...who cares that I'm exhausted and can't keep my eyes open. I know these things might sound like normal freedoms to some of you but to a mother of 3 very young ones, it's hard to get some Sarah time during the day (or night). I complain often of being tired (and even blame Mike for keeping me up later than my preference) and needing more sleep. So shouldn't I take advantage of this time and GO to bed? At this time my hands are empty from responsibility and for that reason, I stay up just a little bit later.

When I go out with all three kids (which doesn’t happen very often-on purpose) I hear a common statement from people. Doesn't matter how old or young they are. They all say, "You have got your hands full." My sister and I laugh about this because it is without fail that we hear it. She has 2 kids. I wonder if people say that when you only have one. Cause they have their hands full too. Maybe it is because we look overwhelmed. Sometimes strangers say this with a big smile which I take as, 'You're doing good...keep it up....I know how hard it is.' Other times it is with some hesitation in their tone like 'Why did you have three kids so close in age? That’s a lot of work.'

Well, yes it’s a lot of work and yes I’m overwhelmed. But is that bad? As much as I love my 10:30pm vacations, I love knowing I have three precious souls upstairs (asleep!). It’s difficult to remember this at times when I am carrying Stephen (with my bad back) while literally running after Grace in the parking lot telling her to grab my hand as Nathan is running even further up ahead. I’m concerned about their safety but probably even more concerned about what all the other moms are thinking of me. This is when I wish I had four hands…two for carrying Stephen and two more for Nathan and Grace. Having my hands full is a great place to be. I know, it's not fun to have my two year old throw herself on the parking lot pavement in front of all the other parents at school but it’s ok. It’s ok because I love picking her up, carrying her flailing body to the van (shoving her in) and then hugging her. Loving her. Praying for her. Honestly, I struggle with the inconvenience, the lack of Sarah time, the constant sacrifice but I love them. I love them more than I love my 10:30pm Sarah vaca. Yes, four hands would be handier than two, but I’m thankful for my two hands that are able to love my three kids.

House Hunting

Hey Friends,

Mike and I are in the process of selling our home! We are supposed to close at the end of October. So we have been out looking at houses. It is fun to see the layout of the houses and how people live. We have never bought a house together before so this should be fun :) I know many of you out there have bought houses in the last 5 years or so. House hunting may still be fresh in your mind. Any suggestions? Anything we should or shouldn't look for? Anything you wished you had known before buying or moving in your home? I would love to hear your thoughts! Please!