questions

A young 3 year old girl was running away from a 4 year old boy. She was running for dear life with a few head turns behind her to gauge where he was at. He had his arms up in the air and running full speed ahead to catch his prey. I wondered what he was going to do once he caught up with her. I also looked around the park to see if their parents were watching this and at all concerned about what could potentially happen next. He was older and bigger so he caught up to her and pushed her. She yelled (screamed really) and then proceeded to get away from him again. He thought it was funny and continued with this game. I think she finally realized she had to retaliate in order to get this boy to stop. No one else was going to help her. This little Laura Croft decided to use her book as a weapon and whacked him with all her might. Suddenly, this confident bully became a 4 year old boy again and began to cry and run to his mommy. He began to tattle on the girl as if she was completely unprovoked. The girl's mom quickly began to reprimand her. I could overhear her (ok, I was trying to listen) scold her daughter for being rough with the boy. Thankfully, Grace meandered right next to them (probably looking for food), so I had an excuse to go over to their blanket. I quietly told the mother what I had seen so that she knew more of the story and why her daughter was trying to defend herself. She thanked me several times and was pleased to hear her daughter was not being malicious.

What if I hadn't talked with the mother? Would she have punished her child because she was misinformed, angry, or embarrassed? Why didn't she ask her daughter what happened? Why didn't she ask any questions at all? I do this too. Sometimes it's with my kids but it's more common with Mike or other adults. I make assumptions, judgments, and evaluations and don't ask questions. I ask my youngens questions all day long. There are the common questions like: how was your day at school, why haven't you done your chore yet, did you hear me, how did poop get there? There are also more meaningful questions: did mommy sound angry with you, how can we pray for your friends today, or why are you sad?

Questions are so powerful because they can be so helpful. They cause me to slow down and think. They help me to gather information, which usually produces compassion. They can give me perspective. They can help me to think outside of myself. So why do I at times skip over the question asking and quickly give my opinion, disapproval, or praise?

I want to model this daily for my children. One of my favorite questions to ask my kids is how much I love them. I start by putting my thumb and index finger as close together as I can and ask, "This much?" They giggle and answer no! They put their arms as wide as they can and yell, "You love me this much." That's right. I love them that much. I want to love them enough to take the time to ask them questions and to be ready to hear their long or short answers.

payday

Getting my kids to bed can be one of the craziest times of the day, probably because we are all tired. Last night after baths and PJ's, I noticed a diaper that was just the slightest bit wet on the floor in the bathroom(yes, it is not out of the ordinary to find diapers laying around). I had given Nathan this diaper the night before when he was already in bed and we had company over. He said he had to go to the bathroom so bad he couldn't hold it. I've heard this before. It's very similar to- I need a drink or I forgot to brush my teeth. He had just gone potty about 10 minutes before so I knew he could hold any pee that he had somehow magically produced, he just couldn't hold his excitement of company being over. So I said if he had to go so badly he could go in the diaper I handed him. It was dry in the morning. I guess his magical pee magically disappeared. So why was it wet the following evening? "Mom, I peed in the diaper during quiet time today so I didn't wake you up. I knew you were taking a nap." I saw tenderness in my baby's eyes and thoughtfulness in his words. I went over to him with a few tears in my eyes, cupped his face and thanked him for how he had loved me. He beamed.

Once the two kids were asleep I brought Stephen down to play with us (we do this almost every night). He is such a relaxed kid that he is 14 months tomorrow and is still not walking. Well...last night he took his first few steps. There is nothing like seeing this tiny person lift his foot while the rest of his body looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He knows I'm rooting for him. I'm clapping and yelping. His foot lands just in time for his hands to reach his daddy's arms when he lets his whole body fall into him. He squeals with excitement.

While tying my daughter's shoes this morning I could tell she was thinking and focusing on what I was doing. I ask her if she is ok. It isn't quite normal for her to be so quiet and still. She smiles a "Whitney" grin (a grin from ear to ear) and says, "I love you mom."

This afternoon, I tried taking Edgewater to pick up Nathan from school. I have been taking the back roads for the last few weeks because Edgewater is being repaved but today I decided to take my old route. I get stuck in a long line so decide to make a right turn into the neighborhood to only get stuck behind a slow moving truck just to find my road doesn't cut through. I must have made some sort of noise because Grace asked what was wrong. I told her I was frustrated with my decision. "It's ok mommy," she gently said with a smile to encourage me.

I don't get a paycheck for what I do. I don't get a job well done by my superior. I don't get acknowledgment from my coworkers. I don't get a pay raise. Usually I'm thanked by stickers, smiles, thank yous, and maybe a hug- with some needed prompting. When they happen on their own, it is a special moment. I got a raise today. I was tenderly cared for by my son, encouraged by my 2 year old, and saw a milestone accomplished by my little baby. I would call that a good day at work...I got payed today.