The clock says 10:26pm. Why am I awake when I could be sleeping? I dream about my cozy bed and being curled up asleep (or at least resting) all day long. As much as I may sound like a kid with a dollar in his hand in a candy store... because I can! The house is quiet, everyone is asleep (yes, even Michael) and I have the house completely to myself. I have freedom. It's almost like I'm on a mini unexpected vacation. I can watch the TV without any interruptions, read in silence, sit as long as I want, eat, or check facebook...who cares that I'm exhausted and can't keep my eyes open. I know these things might sound like normal freedoms to some of you but to a mother of 3 very young ones, it's hard to get some Sarah time during the day (or night). I complain often of being tired (and even blame Mike for keeping me up later than my preference) and needing more sleep. So shouldn't I take advantage of this time and GO to bed? At this time my hands are empty from responsibility and for that reason, I stay up just a little bit later.
When I go out with all three kids (which doesn’t happen very often-on purpose) I hear a common statement from people. Doesn't matter how old or young they are. They all say, "You have got your hands full." My sister and I laugh about this because it is without fail that we hear it. She has 2 kids. I wonder if people say that when you only have one. Cause they have their hands full too. Maybe it is because we look overwhelmed. Sometimes strangers say this with a big smile which I take as, 'You're doing good...keep it up....I know how hard it is.' Other times it is with some hesitation in their tone like 'Why did you have three kids so close in age? That’s a lot of work.'
Well, yes it’s a lot of work and yes I’m overwhelmed. But is that bad? As much as I love my 10:30pm vacations, I love knowing I have three precious souls upstairs (asleep!). It’s difficult to remember this at times when I am carrying Stephen (with my bad back) while literally running after Grace in the parking lot telling her to grab my hand as Nathan is running even further up ahead. I’m concerned about their safety but probably even more concerned about what all the other moms are thinking of me. This is when I wish I had four hands…two for carrying Stephen and two more for Nathan and Grace. Having my hands full is a great place to be. I know, it's not fun to have my two year old throw herself on the parking lot pavement in front of all the other parents at school but it’s ok. It’s ok because I love picking her up, carrying her flailing body to the van (shoving her in) and then hugging her. Loving her. Praying for her. Honestly, I struggle with the inconvenience, the lack of Sarah time, the constant sacrifice but I love them. I love them more than I love my 10:30pm Sarah vaca. Yes, four hands would be handier than two, but I’m thankful for my two hands that are able to love my three kids.
