I spent a good half hour or more training Nathan this morning on reoccurring areas where he tends to lose self control. “Whoa!” You might say. “That sounds a little bit like a drill sergeant. He’s only 3.” Let’s rewind my thoughts. Last night, I was reading a blog, which led me to another blog, and then another (you know how that goes, right? kinda like our thoughts). I ended up reading a blog about a certain parenting style and I went to bed wondering if I am not strict enough with my firstborn. But I am daily wondering if I am too strict with him. There lies the problem. I want him to be independent, creative, and think for himself. But I also want him to respect and love others, to listen to directions, and respond to correction. What is a mother to do? Is there something that I should be doing that I’m not? I have been weary lately. One thing that helps me in these times is to train. And train. And train my children some more.
I taught 5th grade before I stayed home laying around eating bom boms, doing nothing…just raising kids. I spent the first week of every school year, teaching and practicing all the rules and procedures of our classroom. They had to be taught step by step the expectations of them or how else could they be held accountable? Try telling 25 ten year olds to line up at the door. It would be chaos. Some would line up at the front door, some the back, a few would look around and see what others were doing, the boys would yell and race, some would ignore you and pick their noses, others complain. Now try it like this….when I tell you to line up at the door you will immediately stand up quietly, tuck in your chair, walk to your designated spot, and stand still. Watch me, I’ll show you how to do each of these steps. Now, let’s all practice. Good! Let’s practice again. The children weren't trying to be defiant, they just hadn't been taught. Lining up was one of the first things I taught each of my classes. I was petrified of taking 25 students down the hallway without giving them specific directions first. I knew if I didn’t it would be a disaster, not only for their safety but for my sanity.
So why should I expect my 3 year old to get into the van properly without repeated instruction? We have practiced many times before but he has had a difficult time lately. So, back to the first day of school. We reviewed each detail again about how we ask to exit the garage door (not run out the house door to open the garage door), walk straight to the van door (not touch all of daddy's dangerous tools), climb up (instead of running around the van) and keep our hands to ourselves (rather than hitting a sister), sit and buckle up (instead of climbing around). This training might sound silly and unnecessary. But it is a success when 3 kids are in the van without anyone's fingers getting pinched or heads bumped by yard tools and we have avoided any fights or tears. I LOVE teaching my kids!!! They LOVE practicing!!! So why don’t I do this more?
I find that when I’m getting upset with them, it helps all of us to stop, and do ‘first day of school procedures’ again. I think as a parent, I forget that I have been on this earth for a long time and know how to do simple tasks, like wash my hands. But have we taught our kids how to do this? How long, how much soap, how much water, can we smear soap on the mirror, can I splash water on my sister, can I get in the sink? Ok, these things will happen regardless if we teach them or not, because they are kids, and we will laugh (hopefully not yell). But what a wonderful opportunity we have each day to teach our kids. Teach and train them how to listen, care for their siblings, show compassion, pray for their friends, enjoy creation, and look for ways to encourage their daddy’s.
