Thanks to Miriam I'm reading this book by Douglas Wilson about marriage. There are several things that have stood out to me just today as I read it. One is on gratitude:
Wives are to learn from the Church how to be wives, and gratitude is one of the central characteristics of the bride of Christ. Christian worship is a eucharistic service, a service of thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is therefore at the center of femininity. Moreover, thanksgiving to a husband (who works, provides, protects, and leads) is closely related to respect, which wives are also called to.
I thought how much am I really grateful, opposed to complaining or wanting more from my husband. And do I think of it as this? The center of femininity?
I am commanded to respect my husband. Wilson makes the point that we sometimes substitute love for respect.
Love and respect are not the same thing. The Bible tells men to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands....The wives are specifically called to respect their husbands. So while love includes acceptance, security, commitment, and sacrifice, respect involves honor, admiration, and deference. This respect should be directed toward abilities and achievements. Wives who are in a troubled situation should not try to fix it by giving to their husbands only what they as women would like to be receiving (that is, love), because their husbands need respect foremost. Not only is it not going to work, it is not what God said to do.
That is a difficult thing to do, especially the deference part. How wonderful it would look for me to respect my husband all while being joyful and full of gratitude. He would lead and I would follow and it would become so natural (for me) that who is leading and who is following is not the center of our (my) gaze.
