To the Mom (or Dad) of an ADD/ADHD Child,
I’m sorry. No really, I know that finding and
getting on shoes may take a half hour. I know that staying focused to read one
sentence takes several re-directions. I know when there is a meltdown there is
not much you can do other than wait it out. This requires the parent to be patience, give numerous re-directions,
plan ahead, stay emotionally stable and level headed. None of these attributes continually come naturally
to most adults. Parents often lean toward an authoritative kind of parenting and start dishing out consequences. Or on
the other end of the spectrum, you find the parent that checks out and withdraws
and let’s the kid run the roost because that seems easier.
Hi my name is Sarah and I admit I thought ADD/ADHD wasn’t a real
thing. Even as recently as the last few years I thought it was kinda hokey pokey and
thought ‘those’ kids just need a good routine with structure and boundaries. My first ADD conversation with a mother was about a year ago. She has a
spirited lovely teenager and I didn’t even realize she was diagnosed with ADHD until she told
me. As this mother told stories describing what it is like to parent her
child and explained her behavior, I had an Oprah AHA momen! When I haven’t realized or defined
a problem yet but I am exposed to hearing my problem articulated from another person it brings understanding and clarity in my own life and thought process. I had never realized that
this is why my child might be having some of the behaviors he was having. He interrupted, had trouble waiting his turn,
had over the top emotions, and getting or
staying organized was a real daily struggle for him.
Once ADHD was on my radar, I began researching (I know big surprise-I never research! JK)! I looked into diet plans, oils, drugs, weighted blankets, vitamins, you
name it, I was reading the heck out of it. Then we tried a few of the common solutions starting with his diet. My child didn’t have enough self-control to stick to the
diet. I spent a spirit load of money and drove to the other side of Orlando to
get sugar free barbecue sauce (which doesn’t fully exist by the way! Even homemade.
It’s really quiet frustrating.) When you
have a child who is extremely picky to begin with and then take away all their favorite
foods and give them alternatives, it’s REALLY hard! Honestly, for him, he did a
pretty good job, but overall those natural things have not worked miracles for
us.
When your child has ADHD, standard discipline strategies don’t
always work. Paying attention can be arduous for them. Transitions are a challenge. And the amount
of energy they have is unparalleled. Their outbursts are obnoxious. Being a parent
is hard enough. The demands put on me day and night. The patience it requires.
The sacrifices it takes. Now add something like this on top of it that I don’t totally
understand and it gets more complicated.
So why am I writing about this. 2 reasons. If you are a
parent of an ADHD child I’d love to hear from you. What has worked and what hasn’t? The second reason is that I hope I threw an
ADHD seed in your mind. If your child isn’t responding well to ‘normal’ parenting
strategies I encourage you to see if there is something else going on. Maybe your child struggles with anxiety but shows up looking like anger or belly aches. Maybe your child has sensory processing disorder but
all you can see is a screaming child in the corner and you’re confused. Maybe your child can’t
sleep at night because of how much energy they still have at the end of the day
and they have ADHD. Just be curious!
Maybe all they need is a kick in the pants and a schedule and that will
do wonders. But it can’t hurt to take a moment to evaluate. If your child has consistently been showing certain behaviors maybe it's time to explore why. No matter if your child is the easiest kid or not, let's be curious about their behaviors and struggles! Curiosity is always a good thing!
