I'm going to Burst Your Bubble!

Parenting is not what you expected.   You thought you could control your kids and their behaviors, unlike those kids you see in the grocery store and your nephews and nieces. That’s right, your kids will be different, they will listen and be polite. They will stay healthy and sleep well. They won’t be picky eaters. Each stage of your child will be carefully posted on social media and you will finally feel fulfilled. You’ve waited for this child so you won’t be the one to complain about losing sleep and feeling drained. Your kid will respect you because, well, you’re respectable.  The dreams you had of little warm hands wrapped around your body for a hug is replaced with your child’s big emotions on full display in a tantrum. The tender words you had hoped to exchange each day is instead filled with, “No’s! Get out! I hate you!”  Your parenting dream bubble has popped.  It’s not as easy as you thought and it stretches you. 

I’ll be honest, I thought I’d have the best-behaved kids out there. I was a darn good teacher with classroom management skills and I had worked with kids since I was one. No one told me you can’t control your kids. No one told me nursing was going to be hard. No one told me that my anger might boil up when my own flesh and blood yell at me. No one described what parenting would look like once they start elementary school. No one told me how my heart would ache with them when they are hurting. I’ve learned and am learning as I go. It has taken me time to learn my child and to learn my (our) parenting style.  

Enough of my rant now of the dark and depressing realities of parenting. ;) Here’s my challenge to mothers (and father’s) out there, me included! 

Be honest! 

Share the realities of parenting- not to discourage new parents but to prepare them. Somehow we are more about hiding all the difficulties of life. The parts that look pretty and are put together are often shared and displayed. Think about photo shop, and all the tv shows about renovations, and it only takes a few seconds if you get on social media to see the pressures we face to show off this glamorous body, house, spouse, children.  Ugh! No one can live up to that. 

I’m not advocating to complain. I’m inviting us into an open dialogue about the struggles of parenting. Because I don’t believe anyone would say it’s easy all the time. We all go through seasons, as well as our kids go through seasons.   What if our culture didn’t hide and shy away from messiness but instead embraced it?

Maybe you can’t relate at all to the difficulties of parenting and you really do have an easy kid. If so, I’m happy for you (with a side cringe of jealousy). If you’re in a good parenting rhythm, then share your full heart with those around you because there is someone in your life that is struggling to hold on and survive through the day. Then serve someone around you. Help a parent, not by giving her advice, but by bringing her coffee and folding her laundry.   Ease some of her pain and challenges.

If you are the one who feels lost, or stuck, or overwhelmed, then reach out to a friend you can trust for encouragement and perspective. The worst thing is to feel alone and like your ‘issues’ with parenting are unique and unknown to anyone else.  Check out a parenting book at the library (I’ll tell you which ones I think you should avoid).  😊 Get professional help if needed.  Keep it real parents. As beautiful and as wonderful parenting can be, it can be so challenging. Let’s not be surprised when that happens. Let’s be prepared and be ready to ask for help when it comes.  Because there is always beauty on the other side of pain.  

The rare opportunity with parenting is that you don’t just blow one bubble and you’re done. No. You blow it. It pops. You blow another one. It fizzles out. You will blow hundreds of ‘balloons’ as you try to figure out this parenting thing. You will try different colors, and shapes and sizes. But as a parent you never stop ‘blowing up’ a balloon for your child. That’s the beauty. Our parenting isn’t perfect and neither is our child, can I get an amen!  You won't always have the best looking balloon in the room. But it’s not about always being easy or looking easy. Loving your kid is messy.  Let's embrace that and not be surprised by it.  My idea, or 'balloon,' of what parenting was going to be like is constantly changing. I thought it would look more like me holding tightly onto the balloons and carefully guiding them. More often than not the balloons are swinging in the wind and I am running behind them. But either way, I will never stop blowing up new balloons!