Even though I love children and am good with them, I experienced quickly as new mom that I could not control my children. This was a shocker for me so I began to ask older women for their advice. I would excitedly listen to them hoping to hear that my child was normal and anticipate getting a golden nugget of guidance that would help my wild child. Over time, I realized the advice was usually tailored to what worked for them and their child, all while I felt missed and still struggling. Although I am grateful for these mommies and for their time, I didn't feel any sense of hope or direction for my personal situation. They didn't understand my child. They didn't understand me. They didn't ask me any questions about by little one. Instead, I was given suggestions of do's and don'ts and I had already tried those. I'm the queen of brainstorming and love coming up with systems for children. I don't read a ton but when I do it is most likely about child development. As a new mom, I thought many thoughts and felt many feelers. Am I the only mommy that has a child like this? I'd read an article about strong willed children and the words would come off the page and resonant and a piece of me felt understood. Is my child the only one
who seems to not feel remorse? I was afraid to plan a play date
because I knew that when it's time to go my child will throw a huge
fit and I was left feeling exhausted and humiliated. Why does my child
lie so much? Is this normal? Is she ever going to change? Am I doing
something wrong? The other children don't seem to struggle with this. There can be so many thoughts and feelers going on inside a parent's head. 
If I could go back to the 25 year old Sarah with a one year old I would give her a hug and hand her a plate of brownies and a cup of caramel macchiato from Starbucks. I would slow down the moment and look her in the eyes and tell her that I see her- I see the sacrifices she makes, I see the worry she feels, I see her exhaustion and her effort. I would listen to her. I would be quiet. I would tell her all the amazing things I see in her child. I would hope to encourage her in these 5 ways. 1. You are not alone. You are normal. Your child is normal. Your story and your child's unique situation is not an accident and both of you are being weaved into this beautiful story of growth.
2. Stop comparing. I know that this is a hard one, Sarah, and you will probably compare the rest of your life but know that it will never satisfy your insecurity. Instead it leaves you feeling either superior or inferior. And I know for you it is usually the latter. Be in the moment and accept it as it is. Accept your child as she is.
3. Confide and open up to a friend that doesn't judge you. A friend who drives with curiosity and has empathy as its passenger. You don't need a pragmatic friend but instead a friend who goes deeper and hears through your words and sees your heart.4. Don't be afraid to get professional help. It doesn't mean that something is terribly wrong or that you have messed up. Getting help doesn't label you. You may end up learning something you didn't even know was out there to learn.
5. You can't control your child but you can grow. You give everything to your child. And as much as you want to help mold their character and manage their conscience-you can't. So much of this parenting thing is about your growth and journey so take a moment for yourself and reflect. The more you learn about yourself, the more it will help you be an effective mom.
So maybe our kids aren't the ones that are calm and we won't get comments on how well behaved they are when leaving the playground. But it's the crazy kids that are dreamers. It's the hitters that end up standing up for social injustice. It's the biters that speak up for the underdog. It's the ones that push the boundaries that don't give up and are persistent. My difficult kid can bring me to tears and cause me to question my parenting but that child is full of life, opinions, courage, exploration, curiosity, and he is fully human and was knit together just the way God intended. One last thing I would say to Sarah is to see the good in them. Be their advocate. Embrace all of who they are and who they are becoming.
