You know those assorted packages of fruit you buy in the frozen isle? My kids love them and they always pick out and fight over the mangoes. Ya, the strawberries and pineapples are tasty, but the mangoes are what gets them excited. There are lots of good and necessary things that are happening in our home each morning before heading off on our bikes to school. Getting dressed for the 2nd time because they spilled all over their uniform, remembering to brush their teeth, or remembering they forgot to do their homework and it has to be done 5 minutes before we have to leave, are all good things-just like frozen strawberries and pineapples are good fruit. So how do I help to create mango moments in our already crazy and filled mornings? Moments that get them excited. Moments that get me excited. Moments with purpose.
Many mornings I wake up hearing slamming doors and fighting, or If I'm lucky, by little giggles right outside my door as they not so quietly whisper, "No, you go in first" and then run away with feet that are as loud as my daughter's singing. Just like that my day has begun. It's usually abrupt. It's not a slow progression of stretching in my beautiful pajamas, dreaming about my adventurous day ahead, and smelling my fresh brewed coffee waiting for me in my peaceful and sunny kitchen made by the free nanny who is now filling their lunchboxes with tasty vegetables. And right then, when I realize a new day has begun, I make a choice. What I decide in this moment not only affects me but the course of my children's day as well.
Mornings (and bedtime) are some of the most challenging yet meaningful times of the day in our home. I read recently that what a child hears from you first thing in the morning can affect the rest of their day. It's that important. It can change the course of how they function. Words matter. Their mother's (caregiver's) words matter. So waking up this morning, I heard my kids already downstairs. I sat in bed and knew my morning would probably end up being rushed (like it has been every day since school begun even though I'm getting up before my alarm). I felt energized of the thought that I have a job to accomplish this morning. To speak to them with purpose. To find my mango moment.
I only make it a few steps down the stairs before the little team pounces on me. Everything is a competition, even who gets to hug me first. My little linebackers begin to fight over me. Wait, where's my free nanny to break up the fight? But here is my choice. Here is where I can affect the mood of our morning. Option one, I begin correcting and maybe even raising my voice and correct them for fighting (I do at times pick option 1). Option two, quickly redirect and capture this moment for our good-to take this time as an opportunity to make my first few words count. I speak over their bicker with a goofy voice and tell them they will each get a turn. I start with my littlest. I bend down to his little height. I look at him and I hope my eyes are saying, I see you. You matter to me. I embrace him and I want my arms to communicate that I will keep him safe and I want him close. I hope my warmth reminds him he belongs in our family. My mouth whispers to him, "Good morning Stephen, I'm so glad to see you!" Then I have a similar precious few seconds with the other two kids before the chaos ramps up again and my linebackers turn into running backs stumbling into the kitchen. And just like that, a little mango moment happened. The morning had purpose. This is the stuff about parenting that I love! Slowing down. Thinking and using these moment to communicate what matters in life. I hope as a mother and a friend, I can see and participate in many more purposeful mango moments. Bon appetit!
